Chew

Outspoken vegetarians often argue that eating meat is cruel and barbaric. Though I can understand where they’re coming from, not even the most perfect tofu curry or fruit compote could make me drool as easily as a cheap, greasy hamburger. In spite of countless films and books teaching me about the horrors of the meat industry, I cannot resist my craving for the succulent flesh of helpless animals. But this is easy for me since, unlike Chew’s protagonist Tony Chu, I’m not cibopathic.

“Cibopathic?” you ask. “What’s that? Please teach us, oh sexy and erudite comic guy!”

Cibopathy gives Tony a special relationship with food. For instance, while eating an apple he gets images of where the apple was harvested, what tree it came from, and what its life had been like until it served its ultimate, delicious purpose. Now, imagine how this process would go if he ate a steak or some foie gras. Now that juicy burger doesn't seem so tasty, unless you also enjoy devouring pain (you jerk). This gift is what separates Tony Chu from the rest of society, and what keeps him always on the edge of starvation.

Tony doesn’t find a great deal of use for this ability either in home life or as a detective, until he eats a bowl of soup tainted by the bodily fluids of an unsanitary sous chef. Suddenly, a suspiciously tangy taste reveals to Tony the bloody, depraved life of a seemingly innocent chicken dish. Now, if that’s enough to lure you into buying this comic, please stop here. Otherwise, prepare for a hyperactive mess that will totally ruin issue #1.


This is your last chance. Past this you are subject to spoilers and (more) bad writing.





Here goes.



Holy crap he eats people and learns their secrets! He eats a dude’s face and then he’s all like, “WHOOOOOAAAA!!! I know who you aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaare!” He’s like a death metal version of Mega Man! He’s like an even metal-er version of the Highlander! He’s like Jeffrey Dahmer, except he also eats secrets!

Do you even comprehend how cool that is? Do you have any idea how many people I’d eat all the time if I were a cibopath? Lots! Lots and lots! A whole bunch! I’d have my lips removed and jaw unhinged, just so I could bulldoze people with my studious incisors!

He eats a dude’s face! HE EATS A DUDE’S FACE!

BUY THIS COMIC! Or eat someone who has.


Also, a note to vegetarians: Carrots got feelings too, yo.